Stop Power Struggles: How the “Three Strikes” Method Transforms Behavior | Blog Post 6

By Mikaela Ostrander

Every child is different. Every child needs something different. But if you’ve ever worked with pragmatic, strong-willed kids—either in the classroom or at home—you know one thing for sure: constant correction burns everyone out.

That’s why I use the “Three Strikes” method. It’s simple, consistent, and respectful of both the child’s autonomy and their need for boundaries. I use it both as a special education teacher and as a parent of two energetic, big-personality children—and I’m telling you, it works.

🌟 Why the “Three Strikes” Method Works 

The core idea is this: kids are given time and space to self-correct before an adult steps in. Instead of constantly saying, “Stop doing that,” or “redirecting every two seconds, I just say:

“Strike 1.”Short. Calm. No lectures. No power struggle. Just: “This is your first notice.”

If the behavior continues, I give a little time (1–3 minutes) before issuing another strike. This gives the child a real opportunity to use a self-regulation strategy, meet an expectation, or simply choose to shift. The goal is to build accountability and awareness, not fear.

By Strike 3, there's a clear, known consequence. In my classroom, this might mean a color change on their green/yellow/red tracker. At home, it could be a timeout or—yep—a spank (more on that later).

📚 In the Classroom: Behavior Tracking Meets Personality Support

For students who benefit from more structured support, I use a green/yellow/red sheet throughout the day. Kids earn greens by showing expected behavior and get access to different privilege levels. If they dip into yellow or red, they earn themselves a social-emotional mini-lesson instead—tailored to their specific needs and personality type.

As a teacher, I may give a verbal or nonverbal strike for things like disrupting class, refusing to engage, or escalating over something small. If there’s no redirection after a couple minutes, I calmly say:

“That’s another strike. Your expectation is to be respectful by keeping your voice off while I’m teaching.”

The most important piece? Teach the “why” behind the work. I’ll often tell students:

“Right now, we’re practicing being bored—and that’s a real skill. You won’t always be entertained. You won’t always want to do the thing. But here’s the kicker: there’s a part of your brain that only grows when you do things you don’t want to do.”

It’s true—the anterior cingulate cortex plays a huge role in motivation, conflict resolution, and impulse control. And it’s activated when we push through discomfort, frustration, or boredom. Growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone, and kids can understand that when we explain it clearly.

🏠 At Home: Boundaries, Brains, and Big Feelings

Now let’s talk parenting. I use the “Three Strikes” method at home too—especially during transitions like bedtime, when my 3- and 5-year-old are riding the emotional rollercoaster.

Before I ever hand out a strike, I always try to remind them:

“I don’t want to have to {insert consequence here}”... for my INTP it’s a spank, and for my ENTP - it’s a, leave the room for a time out  and re-regulate… Then I state- “if you get to 3 strikes, that’s what’s going to happen. Please show me expected”

Now, “be expected” is language my kids have learned through consistent use, but in earlier stages I had to be more concrete:

• “Keep your body to yourself.”

• “Use kind words with your sister.”

• “It’s bedtime now, not playtime.”

• “Say ‘okay’ when Mom says no.”

Sometimes, I’ll count down:3-2-1… Strike 1. Or use a timer - I need shoes starting to get on in 1 minute - time is set or it’s a strike.

The beauty of this system is that the expectations are known, the consequences are predictable, and the child feels in control of their own behavior. If they get 3 strikes, they might lose a toy, get a spank, or have a 5-minute “brain reset” (our word for time-out). Less than 2 strikes at bedtime? They may get a little morning treat as a reward.

✋ A Note on Spanking and Personality

Now, don’t come at me for this—but yes, I believe in spanking for some children, when used appropriately and with purpose. This is where understanding your child’s personality type matters so much.

My oldest is an ENTP—big ideas, constant stimulation, super verbal. For him? A gentle ear pull works like magic. He doesn’t need physical correction—just a signal that he’s lost his footing.

My younger one is an INTP—quiet, curious, emotionally contained. She actually needs the external structure sometimes. A small, calm spanking (after strikes and warnings) gets her attention more than words ever could. Again, it’s not about punishment—it’s about resetting the brain, setting boundaries, and reconnecting afterward.

🧠 Final Thoughts

Whether you’re working with kids in a classroom or raising them at home, remember: consistency builds safety. When kids know what’s coming—and that they have power to change the outcome—they rise to the occasion more often than not.

So, next time your child is melting down at bedtime or your student is spinning out in class, take a breath and remember:

Strike 1.Strike 2.Strike 3.Now we’re learning.

Want to learn more about brain-based strategies, personality-informed parenting, and behavior systems that actually work? Subscribe or leave a comment below—I’d love to hear how YOU use the three-strike system with your own kids or students.

More resources on the 16 personalities, child development, classroom management, and even structured literacy - can be found at: mindchild.net

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